“Writing from a moment of deep sorrow.
Tonight, I am alone in Spain. I feel lost. A dear friend touched a very ancient wound. I thought it was a cleared matter, a souvenir. But set the décor, rerun the script and bad memories come haunting you. You are only a nutshell on a furious ocean.
Where is happiness in those moments?
How can someone who is writing about happiness and living it everyday can make such a deep dip? I feel like a frog with my swollen eyes. Coldplay is signing melancholic songs for me, only for me. Far from everybody, I am a lonely soul. So where is happiness when my heart feels it has been left on the side of the road?
“If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons”
It’s not the first time that the same demons come knocking so what is the way to go?
First, there was rage. It took over me. I was screaming, walking all over. I could have broken everything in the flat. Rage, what a curious emotion. Rage like a feeling of omnipotence. Rage, taking back the control over matter when you are totally losing it.
Second, there was self-pity. Why, why, why me?
Third, there was the need to run away. Fourth, fifth… just because the situation, the people touched a painful spot. I thought all this was far behind. What a surprise!
That’s where happiness lies: the truth. Oh yes, I wish I could be way ahead on the road but I still have some undone business to take care of. I have no clue on how to get this past me but I know that if I don’t change my methods of coping, it will rise again. It’s with a swollen heart that I wish I will get to a place of peace to talk to my friend. I know that in these moments you can be quickly overtaken by that suffering voice.
Happiness can’t ignore suffering just like with those kids in the japanese school.
I can’t hide or avoid. There are places, moments in this life that make me question the foundations of my happiness. It seems so clear and easy and suddenly concepts are shadowed by fierce emotions. But even then I can still see the shiny person within who is now coming back to the surface.
A happy life is not a life free of pain”
The next day coincidences started to knock at my door again as if life was winking at me and a new door opened. I learned a lot from that moment of despair and how your mind can focus on details to match with your internal scenario. In a world where communication is a central matter, I realize that mine shuts down in crucial moments, only to push myself in recurring stories.
I wanted to share that moment because happiness seems so obvious to me but that little shot reminded me that it will always be an ongoing process.
A friend of mine sent me a link to this video:
After investigation (ok! clicking on the link), I found out that this video is part of a project on happiness: Happiness seekers. It’s a documentary on happiness. You can watch a serie of interviews HERE.
I wanted to check if the project was not a religious or political propaganda so I investigated further more (ok! I googled) and found out that there were several documentaries on the subject in the doing. For example, The H-factor explores happiness through the eyes of Kayla, a nine year old girl.
An other project with no date or video has an interesting list of interviewees.
I am looking forward to the release of all those documentaries☺
Ayurveda is often described as a holistic science of health and happiness. So I went for a week in an ayurvedic center in Normandy to take a massage class. I stricktly followed the vegetarian, ayurvedic diet.
The 5000-year old Indian system of medicine tells us what to eat, when to eat, how to reside and how to behave. It summons us to a kind of life style that is supposed to lead us to a better living and a long life.
The Ayurveda describes the nature of a happy and unhappy life ( Sukhayu and Dukhayu):
- Sukhayu (Happy) is the life with mental and physical satisfaction, good power of thinking, physical strength, healthy body, satisfaction in life, energy.
- Dukhayu (Unhappy) is the life full of mental tensions, diseased body, unsatisfaction in life.
According to Ayurveda, happiness implies feeding our body and mind with good food and education, entertaining healthy relationships with friends and family but also feeding our soul with righteousness. The Vedas (Sacred Texts of Hinduism) say that one can achieve happiness and health only by spiritual practice.
If happiness was taught at school, what would the world look like?
My friend Nathalie, author of the blog Origin.all, sent me this video about a japanese teacher.
It starts with a dialogue between the teacher and his pupills on the first day of school:
“What is the most important thing this year?
- To be happy!
- What are we here for?
- To be happy!”
Surprinsingly, there is a lot of crying in the documentary because being happy doesn’t mean avoiding pain. He is teaching the kids and the viewer that bonding, caring, empathy, trust, friendship help go through difficult time. The teacher , Toshiro Kanamori, can also be hard but in the end his goal is to show how precious life is, to guide them to principles that make a happy life.
A flash in my mind. One of the key to my happiness is compassion.
I have always been very hard on myself. I always thought I might have some qualities but they were always overshadowed by my ugliness. Whether it was physical or mental, at times, it was unbearable to live with myself.
We are all made of light and darkness but again, your vision, the importance you give to one or the other is a major player in what you will feel and develop.
In 2005, I had left New York for a new job in Amsterdam. I was living in a very nice two storey flat in the antiquaire’s quarter. I believed firmly that the lack of meaning I had felt would be erased by a change of scenario. But amazingly, the same symetry in people, situations appeared in my new life! That’s when I asked: “Is there an other way to experience life?” and, shortly after, I met two women.
The first one was Teresa and was a masseuse. She was of Indian (American) descent and used bird feathers and drum music to gently rock your heart. She was very motherly and told me I was beautiful. She nourished my body and my heart.
The second one is Joëlle and is a therapist. She taught me a lot but the main door she opened was compassion.
I was talking with a friend this week who told me how even though she is a tuff cookie, she lately told her story to a group of strangers and the compassion she received changed her vision of life.
That’s what Joëlle did for me. I told her, and for the first time to someone, my story from A to Z and in one sentence of compassion, she opened a huge door in my heart. It felt as if someone was seeing me for the first time.
Once you have compassion for yourself, not self-pity or indulgence, but real compassion, you start to feel the happiness rising. You know you did the best you could with what you had. Now you take responsibility of your destiny and your own happiness. You can now give compassion to the people you cross path with because it has the power to free people from suffering, you’ve experienced it.
Well that’s what I experienced.
I almost forgot! Those two women, Teresa and Joëlle, popped into my life within the same week to teach me just as if I was a child learning the fundamentals of life again. My mother’s and father’s names are Thérèse and Joël. A coincidence.
…I went for a stroll in the gardens of Versailles Castle. Gold and marbles are a testimony of past fastuous living.
Louis XIV, the Sun King extended drastically the castle under his reign and transformed it in a jewel for festivities. It was then that classical french arts flourished.
Now children are running barefoot in the green. Old couples, hand in hand, listen to the wind flapping tree leaves. But still, when you get lost in the maze, you could swear you heard famous writers from the golden age whisper.
Here is what they said about happiness …
Bossuet was born at Dijon, in Burgundy, in 1627. He was a catholic preacher.
“Human happiness is composed of so many pieces, that it always misses some”
Corneille was born at Rouen, in Normandy, in 1606. He was a famous dramatist.
“We never taste happiness in perfection, our most fortunate successes are mixed with sadness.”
“Happiness seems made to be shared.”
Molière was born at Paris, in 1622 . He was a playwright. In French we say Shakespeare’s language for English and Molière’s language for French. He played a major role in French literature.
“Unbroken happiness is a bore; it should have ups and downs.”
Jean de La Fontaine was born at Château-Thierry, in Champagne, in 1621. He was a poet and fabulist. I am quite sure that 99% of French people have learned or read one of his fables.
“We ought never to scoff at the wretched, for who can be sure of continued happiness?”
Montesquieu was born at Bordeaux, in Aquitaine, in 1689. He was a political thinker.
“False happiness renders men stern and proud, and that happiness is never communicated. True happiness renders them kind and sensible, and that happiness is always shared.”
I live a happy life.
To my biggest surprise nothing can through me off for a long time. Deceptions, feeling of rejection, anger, sadness, loneliness, nothing seems to stick anymore.
I remember being in New York. I was alone in the penthouse apartment floaded with sunlight. I was crying. I would sit on the stairs and cry. I would stand up at the window, look at the statue of liberty and whip. I would lay down on the sofa and stare at the ceiling.
I had it all! The apartment, the car, the outfit of a life on track. I had the fun nights in Manhattans, the home cooked meals with friends, the gym, the paycheck. And still sadness was sticking.
Now I can see that I was feeding it with interpretations, internal stories, my outlook on life.
So what is the difference?
I believe mainly two things have changed:
First, like if I had developed the negative roll, I see life differently. I see all situations, bad or good as opportunities, opportunities to experience and learn. And, if there is something I enjoy in life it is learning. This shift didn’t happened in a day but really started when I said to myself “Is there an other way to experience life?” That question alone brought to me a series of encounter that changed my life and my vision.
Second. Now, I use my emotions like if they were little flashing lights on a car board. Sadness is not a companion anymore; it is merely a nice refreshing shower.
I still experience uncomfortable situations and I feel emotions rising and kicking but I know two reassuring things:
One: I have been through it before and I overcame it.
Two: if it’s too overwhelming, I can retreat and switch it off. Yes just like that. I go to my place, I sit and I am me doing the best I can. I will deal with it but I take a little time off. As soon as I am alone, I am peaceful. It’s like those white flags or like we say when we are kids: “Thumbs up” (at least here in France). When you are in a game, it means, stop. Usually you stop the game to discuss the rules.
Now when I feel a negative emotion, I know it’s a signal. What does it mean? What triggered it? Is it an interpretation, an old vision or do I have to change a way, act differently?
I still have old patterns glued to my brain but even if I don’t stress on it, I know I will tackle it when the time is right.
I can’t give a definition of happiness yet but contrasts in my life give me hints as how to describe it.
